{"id":5985,"date":"2019-11-25T19:34:36","date_gmt":"2019-11-26T03:34:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.entremundos.org\/revista\/?p=5985&lang=en"},"modified":"2019-11-25T19:34:36","modified_gmt":"2019-11-26T03:34:36","slug":"first-place-of-the-contest-breaking-the-circle-of-violence-against-women","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.entremundos.org\/revista\/women\/first-place-of-the-contest-breaking-the-circle-of-violence-against-women\/?lang=en","title":{"rendered":"FIRST PLACE OF THE CONTEST. Breaking the Circle of Violence against Women"},"content":{"rendered":"

By: Maria Elena Ponciano<\/strong><\/p>\n

Being a survivor of gender violence, allows me today, to contribute to the guidance, help and training of other women who feel trapped in this distressing alley of life and promote the eradication of all forms of violence that afflict us through all possible means.<\/p>\n

This is my story.<\/p>\n

Maybe I was one of the last brides that were stolen; I was still in high school. The wedding was soon and although I was only 18, I assumed the role of wife with all the responsibility that this entailed.\u00a0 Between the demonstration of his feelings and the confidence that grew little by little, I was noticing the real strength of his character, and cold expressions were being born, teasing and small abuses that made me feel bad.\u00a0 His arrogance increased and he made me feel smaller and useless, less important, less deserving of his feelings, his attention, and of him.<\/p>\n

Those sweet gestures of couples disappeared in an agitated sea of indifferences, shouts, insults and aggressions that hurt.\u00a0 His fury was so resolute and unhinged that one Christmas night, he hit me in the face and broke my heart.\u00a0 There was no dinner, hug, or any blessing, only anguish and pain between bitterness and frustration.<\/p>\n

We were renting a room in a tenant house.\u00a0 The next morning, he didn\u2019t let me leave the room to hide the evidence of his mistreatment.\u00a0 That day, I was very sweet and loving, until he cried showing his remorse.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want me to visit my mom, claiming that I\u2019d make him look bad in front of her, so we stayed home.<\/p>\n

The d a y s passed in a strange calm, like those that follow a strong earthquake but, like a circle that ends and repeats, the frictions and abuses started again.\u00a0 Between that coming and going of aggression I was able to return to study the next year, when I got pregnant with my first daughter. I became a mother in a hostile and macho environment with an increase in aggression and the trouble of infidelity, and \u2018Shut up! Because a man is a man, right?\u2019<\/p>\n

On top of all this came the threats, intimidation, excessive increases in blows, and little money for expenses that also came to drips, which forced me to leave with my daughter in my arms to sell what little jewelry I had to buy milk and food.\u00a0 This was followed by renting a house and working there, taking care of my children, there were now two, and assisting pensioners.\u00a0 Of course, the day they paid, he took everything, leaving me with nothing; with this he paid the expenses and services, demanding more every day.<\/p>\n

My sentimental life no longer existed and the years continued with torturous acts of all kinds: sexual, patrimonial, economic, psychological, moral, emotional, familiar; under the constant reminder that marriage is forever and everyone takes what they\u2019ve got, before a society that suddenly makes us feel deserving of such suffering, where the cries for help are drowned in a heart that fights not to die at the hands of her aggressor.<\/p>\n

My studies remained in limbo; he took me away from my family, from my friendships and the rest of the places that weren\u2019t the house and the church, where he showed his mask of a \u201cgood man\u201d, with the same sarcastic smile with which he told me that if I said something, nobody would believe me.\u00a0 Nevertheless, inside of me, I\u2019d firmly made a decision.\u00a0 One night, when everyone had gone to sleep, I told him that I would divorce, that it had already been 13 years of violence and that the children had also suffered from his outbursts, which was completely unacceptable.\u00a0 I hadn\u2019t yet finished talking when he came at me with blows and started to threaten me, in such a way that I needed to go to the hospital to be attended because of the beating he gave me.<\/p>\n

Through that agonizing pain, I felt a first ray of hope, that light of hope that makes you feel that you\u2019re not alone and that the possibility of smiling again exists.\u00a0 The medical staff that attended me, guided me to denounce this abuse and told me that I would receive prompt assistance for myself and my children with respect to the legal and police protection we needed.\u00a0 From the hospital, I headed to the police station to report the incident.\u00a0 I returned home with a document that demanded that the aggressor leave in a time stipulated in accordance with the law, and with a document for me where they offered me police protection measures.<\/p>\n

Those hours that they gave him to leave the house were the most eternal and decisive, since his pleas for me to withdraw the complaint and not separate him from his children were constant. He cried and cast himself as a victim in front of the children making me feel responsible for our home being destroyed and what could happen to him. This is where we are subjected to the crucible of the test, before the pleas and that request for one \u201clast chance\u201d that we\u2019ve already heard so many times, so that in the end, everything is worse than before. This moment is crucial, there is nothing else to do but end that circle of gender violence, where the word chance is already so worn out and tired. My priority was to live in peace and quiet with my children, so the judicial process continued.<\/p>\n

I then received an invitation to attend a training session against domestic violence by the Executive Committee of the Quetzaltenango Justice Center. This coincided with my birthday and was a new life gift for me.\u00a0 On that day, many women attended, and it was surprising to see that this scourge does not respect age, ethnicity or social class. Upon entering the training, we were given a brochure with all the necessary information and guidance; As the presenter spoke, we all felt that they were recounting what we had suffered, because the aggressor always showed the same patterns of behavior. That day we reaffirmed our resolve and our self-esteem strengthened.<\/p>\n

Days later, the voluntary separation act was drawn up, with a maintenance allowance and other legal requirements established. Together with my children we received psychological counseling in order to heal all the emotional wounds suffered. I continued working at home and between school hours, I worked as a sales consultant for catalog products and finally, a year and a half later, I got a divorce, regaining my self-esteem and my dreams.<\/p>\n

After 23 years, I resumed my studies and last year I completed a degree in Psychology at CUNOC. Now I am a Psychologist, photographer, poet, grandmother and I\u2019m still dreaming. No one can tell us that marriage is forever, when what we live is a hell of torture and rape. The law and protection entities are with us.<\/p>\n

Everything is possible when you say, ENOUGH! You act and denounce. Remember that bad words, indifference, contempt and betrayal, also hurt, so don\u2019t think that violence is only physical. \u201cRise up woman, you can! It already breaks the circle of your torment, which is not a lover who kisses and then attacks or one who crushes virtues with machismo\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By: Maria Elena Ponciano Being a survivor of gender violence, allows me today, to contribute to the guidance, help and training of other women who feel trapped in this distressing alley of life and promote the eradication of all forms of violence that afflict us through all possible means. This is my story. Maybe I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5991,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[453,1806,422],"tags":[1218,1840],"class_list":["post-5985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frontpage-en","category-social-situation","category-women","tag-human-rights","tag-violence-against-women"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.entremundos.org\/revista\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/11\/women-3551749_1280.jpg?fit=1280%2C853&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7ljt7-1yx","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":7887,"url":"https:\/\/www.entremundos.org\/revista\/women\/domestic-abuse-in-mexico-continues-to-be-a-reality\/?lang=en","url_meta":{"origin":5985,"position":0},"title":"Domestic abuse in Mexico continues to be a reality","author":"EntreMundos","date":"25 noviembre, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"By Leidy Yareth Gonz\u00e1lez Romero In Mexico, it is normal for friends, acquaintances, or relatives to talk about problems at home in such a casual way that they are not perceived as violence. 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